WEATHER

Okay so lately my life has been like the weather. One minute i am happy and the next i am sad. I hate that yoyo!

I miss my mom. I miss my granddad and Jnr granddad. I miss my dark chocolate. Life i know is supposed to come with hurdles but when does the break come?

We pray and believe and believe and keep faith and sometimes our hope is dashed on the rocks. I wish when I prayed the 'NO' would be in neon lights so I don't go on for months, years wishing and hoping for that which would never come.

I remember praying for the day i would see my mum fully recover from that stroke, when i would see her walk again and totally happy without that shadow in her eyes. That day never came.

I always thought my grandpa and Jnr grandpa would be there at my wedding wearing matching 'Alari' outfits and beads as usual. But that is not to be.

All three are gone in the same year. You would think i get a break right? Wrong. Still the same old pressures of work, bills, family and emotions fighting for a piece of me.

I thought my tears were buried so deep inside me that they could never come out. I was so wrong. They creep up on me at the weirdest of times.

Sometimes i just feel so lost. I practice counselling myself in front of the mirror.

I try to be optimistic.

I try to keep my faith unshaken.

I try to keep my world unwavering.

I try to keep the pain and the anger away...

But i am only shutting it up and a box kinda like Pandora's. It is not working any longer. My box is leaking.

People often say that the darkest time is before the dawn. God it is so so so dark now.

Is my breakthrough here?

Is it coming?

Will it arrive soon?

I don't know how long i can hold on.

I am cracking badly.

I know Dark chocolate cant handle seeing me like this so i try to be strong for him because i can no longer do it for myself. So God if you can hear me, it's time to ride in on a white horse and save the day.

My heart is heavy. My heart is full. It is like the weather.

One minute happy, the other sad.

IN THE STORM

It's been a while. Anything that could happen has. But in the storm........



If all I had was one last breath
I'd spend it just to sing Your praise
Just to say Your name
If all I had was one last prayer
I'd pray it 'cause I know You're always listening
If I could live a thousand lives, bind the hands of time
I would spend every moment by Your side

'cause I, I know You're there, I know You see me
You're the air I breathe
You are the ground beneath me
I know You're there, I know You hear me
I can find You anywhere

If all I had was one more song to sing
I would raise my voice to make the heavens ring
If all I had was one last chance, I'd take it
I would stake it all on You

If I could raise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye
I would make them believe
What I feel inside

If I could live a thousand lives and bind the hands of time
If I could rise up high and catch a glimpse of every eye

I know You're there
I know You're there
I know You're there, You're there

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

I am so sorry bloggy darling.I have been dreading coming to talk to you. I didn't know what to say. I have been so mixed up about mummy gone. She has been like air to me. Always there and necessary.
So much so i must have just taken it for granted she would always be there.
Who will calm my nerves at my wedding?
Who is going to hold my hand when i am in labour with my first child?
Who will give child raising tips? Who will be there when i need advice?
I can no longer crawl in her bed when i need a comforting presence.
So to all the motherless children out there i will tell you what i discovered. God will do all those things.

He taught me something yesterday. As i was coming home i had this desperate pressure in my stomach and intestines. But i was 45 minutes drive away from home. By 25 minutes away i was sweating and shaking with the cramps. (Don't be grossed out you know what i am talking about. lol). Then i prayed that God keeps me till i see a loo and low and behold i see a filling station (15minutes from home).
I stopped my car prepared to ask for a loo and the pain and aching stopped suddenly so i took a leap of faith. I started my car again and continued on my way home. The cramped started again but i made it home.
That just showed me that when you are on a journey somewhere, it may be painful and seem like God is not responding to you but he is. Dont stop striving for what you want because you think you've found something manageable. God only wants the best for us.

Anyways i have been so busy and stressed lately. My Granpa (Daddy's dad) died like 3 weeks after mum died. Daddy has been so devastated. The responsibilities he inherited are humongous him being the first son and all. I worry about him and pray for him though. God wont make me an orphan that i know.

So now i have to go to naija for Grandad's funeral. But isn't that too many trips? Mum's funeral, grandad's funeral, xmas, mickey's wedding? Sigh. Not sure if i am doing them all. Time, finance and God will tell.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh and on a good note, i got my dress for mickeys wedding!!!! It's not brown but blue. What do you think?



Also Celebrity takes 2 is on again!! I am not sure if with all the travelling and funerals i can blog it all but i trust Linda Ikeji and Bellanaija to keep you posted.

Tata!! Xoxo!!

GOODBYE MAMA

Mama Unbiased died on the 15th of September 2009 (Aged 60).
How do i feel? Shocked!!

I remember her ready smiles followed by that quiet chuckle.

I remember taking my birthday cakes for granted because I knew she would always bake them herself and they'd always be the best.

I remember her smooth hairless skin and wandering why mine was so hairy.

I remember how secretly happy she was when I got scared in my own room and crawled into her bed at night.

I remember her teaching me how to cook and keep the kitchen spotless at the same time.

I remember standing in her room with the temperature at 2 degrees and freezing.

I remember her amazing decorating skill and wandering if I could match up.

I remember playing with her makeup, clothes and shoes.

I remember her days of camping out at the hospital every time I was sick.

I remember the tender care I got when I had chicken pox or that nasty boil at the back of my neck.

I remember nicking her ‘Bring down the glory’ cassette by Panam Percy Paul.

I remember days of long conversation and debates on just about anything.

I remember her strong unwavering faith in the face of opposition.

I remember how I learnt the littlest things just by watching and wandering if I could fill her shoes.

I remember being really proud of her and thinking that just by association her accomplishments were mine.

I remember the littlest and biggest things in a flash. It overwhelms me. It scares me. Is she gone? I am told she is on holiday and I will get to see her someday?

Is that true? Will I? What do I do between now and then?

And then I remember her favourite psalm. Psalm 121.

I look to the hills! Where will I find help? It will come from the LORD, who created the heavens and the earth. The LORD is your protector, and he won't go to sleep or let you stumble. The protector of Israel doesn't doze or ever get drowsy. The LORD is your protector, there at your right side to shade you from the sun. You won't be harmed by the sun during the day or by the moon at night. The LORD will protect you and keep you safe from all dangers. The LORD will protect you now and always wherever you go.

Chronicles of My Birthday

12.00 am

Wow!! I woke up at 12am to what?

It's a bird,

It's a plane,

It's a birthday,

Nope it's a diarrhea or the polite word purging.

6.00am

5 times? Are you kidding me. Could you not let me sleep o useless bowels of mine?

Now i gotta get up and get ready for work. Ohh the cramps. sob sob

I then weigh myself thinking i gotta have lost weight in the middle of the night.

Imagine!! After all that s**ting i gain a pound. A whole pound!! Purging can't even be useful sef.

8.00am

At work replying all them facebook greetings. So many. I feel the love but Jesus could my gift be healing from these cramps and purge. Please!!

I have hardly got any sleep.

12.08pm

Purging has stopped after 3 slices of Whole meal bread with strawberry jam. But i am so craving KFC right now it is unreal. sigh. And i have to work? In the middle of the birthday mails and facebook messages?

At least i am loved sha so the day is looking up. I wonder what 'Dark Chocolate' is up to right now?

12.41pm

Surprise!! Dark Chocolate sent me a dozen Pink Roses and a dozen burgundy carnations. wow!! I am on cloud nine now. I love my Dark Chocolate!!!

05.34pm

I have spent the whole day on facebook tearing up at the outpouring of love. The phone has been ringing off the hook and text messages been flying but i am suddenly filled with a fit of sadness.

Where did the year go? What did i accomplish? The darn recession has put a lot of my plans on hold. I feel like i am in a time warp and just waiting until someone (God?) presses the play button in my life again.

I feel like it was almost a wasted year i can never get back.

I feel like everyone moved on and i am still standing in the same spot.

I do not feel special.

This day does not feel special.

It is just a day like any other with unusually high facebook and phone activity. It might improve. God i hope so.

At the end of the day sha no matter how sad i feel i will still PRAISE!! Because i know my victory is in my Praise. I know that like Joseph God has only been preparing me for the bast which is yet to come!!

Going back to work now. So much to do since i spent the whole day on communication activity.

6.30pm

Gotta get to sister Bunmi's house to get my hair done. Please let my phone stop ringing long enough for me to drive!! Thank Goodness there is no network signal in her house.

9.30pm

That was fast and my hair looks lovely. Phone again. Awwww Dark Chocolate's mum. And mine hasn't called? Okay a call to mum now.

Who is this calling now? Dark Chocolate's dad? Okay where is my dad? How can he forget my birthday? (note to self: make wedding extra splashy so he can make up for this).

10.30pm

Finally ready to attend a mini-work meeting. I must be crazy. On my birthday? I just wanna go home and reply all my facebook messages and texts. But Cheddar calls and it's just for 15mins so..........

1.00am

I am finally in bed with no dinner. It is such a lonely birthday. I cant wait for dark chocolate to arrive tonight. All the same PRAISE GOD for the gift of life, hope, love and promise!!

POST BIRTHDAY

So Dark chocolate is arriving soon. I got all my gear ready.

Tea lights and scented candles lit all over the house? Check

(Note to self don't burn the house down).

My beautiful flowers are in a vase? Check

Champagne is cooling. Check

Chinese dinner has arrived? Check

Fireplace is lit? Check

Dark Chocolate is at my door!! Bye bloggy.

I am off to really celebrate my birthday now!!!

LONG OVERDUE

I am long overdue for an update abi? So sorry my darling blogikins. I did miss you but for some reason i was too tired and filled with worldly activities to visit.

But i am here now so forgive?

Come on stop sulking.

Please.

Is that a smile i see?

Come on.

That's it.

There.

Now we are friends again i don't know where to begin.

My darling Angelfish is getting married tomorrow. Imagine i ain't going. The notice was way too short. I remember promising to assist her down the aisle way back in 1994. We had on these cute green check dresses on and were standing at the back of SS1 block. I laugh when i remember we were the same height then. She stopped growing then while i went on to acquire a whole foot. lol.

Anyways i will not let that weigh me down. She knows i love her and would be there if i could get a week off work to travel.

I just discovered this brand new hip christian radio station online. They are bad!! You should check them out too. It's THE HOUSE FM.

Ohh yeah and also i am so in love with the Group 1 crew right now. Video below.

I really cant remember what gist has happened since we last spoke.

Ohh yeah i am gonna be a Chief Brides maid next year to my babe Mickey. That ain't her name but she's just as cute. I am using her wedding as training wheels (She knows and doesn't mind).

The kinda things i am learning sha. I just might elope. Wedding too cost o!!

Will you believe i am the one with the bridezilla tendencies? Not Mickey?

Thank Jehovah, Mickey has the patience of a saint and the passion of Diva Von Teese (I don't know how that works out but hey she rocks that way).

Before i forget. All that jihad oshi happening back home and i heard from BBC? I am so happy the government for once decided not to turn a blind eye as usual and took action. We gotta nip that kain thing in the bud fast before it festers and grows.

For all of those who lost someone, May The Holy Spirit comfort you.

As i was typing my blogger page started to misbehave. pshew. Now i have lost my train of thought.

Back to random stuff then. How come my facebook privacy settings are on the highest and people i have no mutual friends with still manage to send me friend requests? I don't accept friend requests from strange married men!! Kai!! Them wan put me for trouble abi?

Ohhh Train back. I joined Twitter. What for?

Na Lightup Nigeria o!!

But any effect yet? Uhhhh i don't fink so?

Well you never know. Miracles can happen.

Darn it is 6.13pm. i am supposed to be doing my timesheet for the week and getting my ass home. Tata!!

Ohh and my birthday is on the 12th of august. Stop by for some cake will you? RocNaija i am saving you a piece!! Ohh and a piece for our in-house activist solomonsydelle.

The mystery of JAHDIEL.

As i was playing on youttube as i seem to be doing these days, i came across a really cool video by a naija chick. Apart from the fact that she is based in Ikeja and she did praise and worship at THE EXPERIENCE 2008,i can find anything on her. Anyone know anything? Anyways i posted the said video below. Toodles!!

Lyrics

Jahdiel - Heritage



Found more!! I feel like an international gbeborun at this point. lol!! So here it is.

Grace Okoduwa, popularly known as Jahdiel, is a Nigerian gospel musician. Jahdiel is a Hebrew word of a Greek origin belonging to the Manasseh family according to Bible history. Jahdiel actually means ‘Jehovah gives joy’ or ‘Jehovah makes me rejoice’.

She started singing as young as five when she joined her church's choir and started playing the piano/keyboard at thirteen. She attended Aunty Ayo primary and secondary schools and she was senior prefect in her final year.

Eloheeka -Jahdiel

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE

I was listening to casting crowns and i got thinking. The song kinda went on about people being caught in the middle and gave different examples like

• Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
  
• reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
• Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle.
• With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is. But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle?
  

Well this took me immediately to a dream i had once. A woman dumped her child in a dumpster and the child was found. There was this discussion on how to approach her nicely and say stuff like we found your missing child, please take better care of him, watch over him well, yada yada yah.

Thinking about it now? That was just plain BS. Where do we draw the line between standing for our beliefs and being diplomatic. The babe did wrong!!! We could say stuff like:

• This time we wont burn you alive but if anything happens to this kid we will be back.
• We are calling the police to haul her wicked heart to jail.
• Get her counselling.
  

Loads of things could be done different ways but in trying to preserve peace and be 'politically correct' we are all becoming a bunch of .........

When did it become a sin to say a black man is black and a white man is white? When did it become okay for people of the same race to call each other a name but it becomes an insult when another races use it.?

Frankly at the risk of sounding bad, i would say that the nickname i have for one of my friends is golly. I always used it since i was a kid. Now i hear a woman using it on BBC has committed a mortal sin. What?

Don't we have enough things to worry about with life and the economy and health and kids and ....................................so many things?

Why not worry about job creation before jobless graduates become highway robbers. Don't they know idle hands are the devils workshop?

Well in the middle of my rant that doesn't seem to have a direction, what i am trying to say is people should have beliefs and stick to them. If we are Christians, by our behaviour and lifestyle, we would be identifiable.

Sometimes i see some Muslims (peaceful worshiping ones) i know personally that have so much faith and conviction in their beliefs and mode of worship and wander why we Christians are content to be coasting along.

How do we want God to give his all to us if we ration our lives to him? Doesn't seem fair now does it?
How do you commit your life to Jesus and then deny him in public either by your lips or lifestyle? I am not squeaky clean on this and i don't claim it to be easy but anything worth getting never is. It is a continuous decision you make to take a path and stick to it.

There is a difference between being tolerant and foolish. Last thing on my mind was some of the things casting crowns said.

• Somewhere between the wrong and the right
• Somewhere between my faith and my plans
• Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
• Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me

Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?

By the way i am in the middle of exercise or not, diet or not. Somehow i expected to loose weight just by thinking. Guess what? It didn't happen so here i am getting onto the difficult painful road of getting fit.






And not to forget, my band of the moment, DAUGHTRY and the African Children Choir singing 'HOME'.

Battle of the snowmen. Who wins?

HOW NOW?

Why is it that just when i thought my country was becoming tush some people need to display this kain kata kata? Read on to understand my quandry.



GOAT HELD OVER ROBBERY

Nigerian police are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery - amid claims it used black magic to morf from a human to escape justice.

Vigilantes took the animal to police, claiming it had been a person trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed said.

"They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody."

He went on: "We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat."

Belief in witchcraft is widespread in parts of Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation.

People have been flocking to the police station to see the goat, photographed in one national newspaper on its knees next to a pile of straw.

On Sky