CONVICTION

Conviction i am told is a strong persuasion or belief. That's the word that came to mind as i heard Mickey say her vows. It was the strong conviction in her voice that gave me the assurance that this was a life bond being sealed here.

Most vows are said in an emotional shaky voice. Sometimes voices crack, others are nervous and some people screw up their lines but not my Mickey. Her words were not a monkey repeat of the priest.

They were words said from one human to another. They were life promises being made. They took marriage from being just a simple ceremony to being what it was intended to be. Two people who have a conviction that they are meant to ride the currents of life together making a promise in front of those important to them that they will do just that.

I wish Mickey and Jazz a wonderful life together. Thanks for the new insight into marriage!

IS THIS BETTER

Honey i am home!!

I thought long and hard. How i want to be back home.

No more power cuts.

No more daddy curfews.

No more bank security doors.

No more heat rash.

No more dust in my contacts.

No more credit running out like water.

Back home. yay! (At least until i landed). From 32° to - 5°. The cold ain't even as bad as i thought. I welcome it's cool embrace. It soothes my rash and calms my skin. The air feels good in my lungs.

Then i get home. Glory to Jesus. Somehow when every one's pipe froze, mine didn't. But i have no water. How can i not have running water?

And my car wont start. Ohh what can i say. I joys of settling down. Be right back with 2weeks worth of gist. lol!

WEATHER

Okay so lately my life has been like the weather. One minute i am happy and the next i am sad. I hate that yoyo!

I miss my mom. I miss my granddad and Jnr granddad. I miss my dark chocolate. Life i know is supposed to come with hurdles but when does the break come?

We pray and believe and believe and keep faith and sometimes our hope is dashed on the rocks. I wish when I prayed the 'NO' would be in neon lights so I don't go on for months, years wishing and hoping for that which would never come.

I remember praying for the day i would see my mum fully recover from that stroke, when i would see her walk again and totally happy without that shadow in her eyes. That day never came.

I always thought my grandpa and Jnr grandpa would be there at my wedding wearing matching 'Alari' outfits and beads as usual. But that is not to be.

All three are gone in the same year. You would think i get a break right? Wrong. Still the same old pressures of work, bills, family and emotions fighting for a piece of me.

I thought my tears were buried so deep inside me that they could never come out. I was so wrong. They creep up on me at the weirdest of times.

Sometimes i just feel so lost. I practice counselling myself in front of the mirror.

I try to be optimistic.

I try to keep my faith unshaken.

I try to keep my world unwavering.

I try to keep the pain and the anger away...

But i am only shutting it up and a box kinda like Pandora's. It is not working any longer. My box is leaking.

People often say that the darkest time is before the dawn. God it is so so so dark now.

Is my breakthrough here?

Is it coming?

Will it arrive soon?

I don't know how long i can hold on.

I am cracking badly.

I know Dark chocolate cant handle seeing me like this so i try to be strong for him because i can no longer do it for myself. So God if you can hear me, it's time to ride in on a white horse and save the day.

My heart is heavy. My heart is full. It is like the weather.

One minute happy, the other sad.